First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
