Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
