When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
