There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
