May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
