I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
