hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
