Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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