Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
