and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
