he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
