I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You are a genius and a whore.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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