On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I had to cum in my sink.
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