I wish I could teleport
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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