boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Everyone says I win the strip club
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
