No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
