I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
