I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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