So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
