I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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