my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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