I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
