totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
