so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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