I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
