you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
