So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
