I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
