so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
