in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
