We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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