im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
kristin has been a bad kristin
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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