Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
