All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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