She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
