I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
