toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Randomize
