gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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