every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
