ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
