I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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