Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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