I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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