You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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