Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
