The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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