I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
