i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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