last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
