I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
