K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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